I had lunch with someone who has done the same circusy thing I am planning to do. PhD with a job and a kid. Some tips from her.
1) Courses are just for the credit. Take easy ones.
2) PhD is just for the degree. Be smart.
3) Befriend at least one full-time student, preferably a boy .
4) Do a complete research on the advisor. Pick helpful ones, not the knowledgeable ones.
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